A Plan, but a choice

I am just getting home from church, after hearing another sermon on Joseph.  It was a good sermon, but the last point started me thinking about this whole idea about a master plan. 

Joseph’s life started out great.  He was the favorite son of his father.  He was given this techno colored coat by his father, which made him stand out and apart from his brothers.  Then, he has this dream about being promoted to a high leadership role.  The role that he would get would make his family bow down to him.  Now, I have no idea what Joseph was thinking the morning after, but I don’t think he was thinking very clearly.  Although, maybe he was thinking clearly.  He could have just wanted to brag about this dream that he just had, so he didn’t think twice about telling his brothers.  I don’t believe it was his brightest moment. 

His brothers didn’t take it well from him, and they begin to plan a way to get rid of Joseph.  They plan a strategy, and one afternoon, while they were working in their fields, they throw Joseph into a cistern.   A traveler comes along, while the brothers were still eating dinner by the cistern, so the brothers decided to sell him into slavery in Egypt.  They are rid of Joseph. 

As I think about this story, and reflect on it, I don’t believe it was God’s plan to have Joseph sold into slavery.  I don’t believe it was God’s plan to have Joseph’s brother throw him into a cistern to let him die.  I believe our sinful nature played a big role in both of these events. 

Let’s look at Joseph.  He knows he is Jacob’s favorite son.  He knows he is getting gifts from his father that none of his other brothers are getting.  He has to be feeling pretty high and mighty right now.  He has to be feeling that he can do no wrong, so he starts to talk like a big shot.  He wasn’t so humble, which irritates his brothers even more. 

The brothers have to be feeling jealous.  They are watching Jacob give Joseph everything, while they are working their butts off in the fields.  Then, they have to hear about this dream that Joseph has, which makes them even more upset.  They are to the point that they can no longer control their thoughts.  They just want to get rid of the brother.  They did it, and this is where I believe Joseph’s attitude and convictions change drastically. 

Joseph goes from having everything to being a slave in a moment.  His attitude goes from being a little too cocky to obedience to God in that same moment.  It is that attitude switch that changes the course of Joseph’s life.  He becomes more of a God Follower, and less of the cocky, little brother that he might have been before.  I’m not saying he was that, but I don’t think we can say Joseph was always perfect.  I don’t think we can say he wasn’t at fault for getting himself in slavery.  Joseph is human too, and sometimes we make stupid choices.  I know I have.  I know everybody has at one time or another.  Unfortunately, it is the nature of sin. 

Yet, through all of that, we have a God that can take our bad choices, or a bad circumstance, and turn it into something wonderful and beautiful.  It takes obedience and trust from us. 

Joseph obeyed God from that time on.  Sure, it did get him thrown into jail for a few years but even then he was obedient.  Pretty soon, pharaoh has a dream, and none of his people can interpret this dream for him.  A man who was in jail with Joseph remembers that Joseph interpreted his dream correctly, so he tells pharaoh about it.  Pharaoh sends for Joseph, and Joseph interprets the dream.  Not only does he do that, he lays out a plan for pharaoh, so that Egypt can survive what’s ahead of them.  Pharaoh makes Joseph his second in command, and Joseph’s dream becomes true, as his family comes is looking for food later on, and they bow down to Joseph.  Joseph, now obedient, shows grace on his brothers. 

Here is the question and the debate that will go on and on and on.  I don’t think I can fully understand it myself, yet I believe we have to be careful when we use the plan of God for everything.  There is no doubt God had a plan for Joseph.  He has a plan for all of our lives.  He wants us to follow him and be his light.  The question is did Joseph had to go through everything that he went through to achieve the plan of God.  I don’t believe he did.  I believe sin played a role in Joseph’s circumstances.  I don’t think God thought up there and said, well, Joseph, I am going to put you through this and this and this first, then we’ll see how you do following me.  Sin played a role in those circumstances. 

Just like sin played a role in Joseph’s circumstances, it plays a role in our circumstances.  My disability is a result of the fallen world.  It is the result of sin, but I did nothing.  I know those circumstances are the hardest to understand because I have lived it for 37 years now.  Yet, I have stayed obedient and trusted God, and he has blessed me.  He has open doors and I have walked through them.  I have lived my life for him, and He has shined His light through me. 

Yet, some of our circumstances that we find ourselves in are because we have made stupid choices.  I know I have been there, and yet I know God will bless us even in those circumstances.  We just have to become obedient and trust and rely on him. 

God does have a master plan, but we must remember that some of our circumstances are the cause of sin and the fallen world.  That is when we have to trust and turn to God.  He is going to bless us in every circumstance.

Is dying the end or the beginning?

I don’t often think about death.  It isn’t something I like thinking about, and yet I have to admit I’m not scared to die.  I have had interesting conversations about death and dying, and it has made me think about why death doesn’t scare me. 

Over the past three months, we have seen tragedies that really are hard to explain.  We have witnessed people dying and in some instances, it has brought up conversations about death.  Death is scary to mostly of us, and I would say all of us are scared to die. 

We don’t know what is going to happen when we do die.  What will it be like?  Where will we go?  Will we have to answer a big test about the history of the world?  As I am writing this, these thoughts are sending chills up and down my body. 

I have lived with a disability about 37 years now.  I love my life, and I wouldn’t change anything about it.  Yet, it has been a lifetime of struggles.  I have to say sometimes in the mornings, I don’t want to get out of bed.  I don’t want to face gravity again.  I don’t want to fight against my body to make it do what I want it to do.  Yet, I always get up thanking God for another day to live life for Him. 

As I was thinking about that, God reminded me that there will come a day where I will no longer have to fight my body.  I will no longer have to feel pain.  I will be able to get up, jump around, and go worship Jesus in person.  That is an amazing thought to me.  I am going to be able to not only feed myself, but I am going to be able to go sit and eat with Jesus. 

I grew up in a very active family.  They did include me in a lot of games that we played together.  Yet, I have always wondered what it would be like to run with my brothers and sisters.  I have always wondered how it would be like playing a sport.  I always had to experience things differently.  I know it used to frustrate me because I couldn’t play like the other kids. 

The day is coming when I am going to run the fields in heaven.  I am going to be able to swing a golf club, shoot a basketball, throw a football, and hit a baseball.  Most importantly, I am going to be able to fall down at the feet of Jesus, raise my hands to Him, and worship Him. 

I am loving my life on this earth.  I am loving building God’s kingdom.  Yet, I’m ready to start my life!

Just starting a conversation

A conversation.  It is a simple thing to start.  Yet, I don’t believe we start enough conversations about the person of Jesus.  I don’t think we have done a good job starting conversations about Jesus. 

I’m not talking about converting people.  We believe we know how to do that well.  Actually, when we bring Jesus up in a conversation, it is usually because we are trying to save someone. I guess God needs our help saving people, so we put on the full court press. 

Does this usually work for you?  If it’s yes, well, I think you want to lie to yourself.  I believe when we put on the full court press, we turn off people to Jesus, and we have lost the opportunity to be the light of Jesus. 

I have a difficult time starting conversations.  Like many of you reading this know, I can’t talk with my normal voice.  I use an augmentative communication device to talk.  You have to understand, when you ride in a wheelchair, and talk with a computer, you must not be smart or able to understand anything.  The device must think and talk for you.  Starting a conversation for me is almost impossible for me with someone who doesn’t know me.  As I think about that, I thought about how we are starting a conversation about Jesus.  

I don’t think we know how to start a conversation about Jesus.  I think we try too hard and then people walk away from us.  I believe we don’t have to start the conversation.  Our job is to allow Jesus to live for us, and do the work.  Christ is IN us, so if we allow Him to live our lives, Jesus will start the conversation for us.  He is going to do the work, when we allow him to shine out of us. 

I was speaking this past weekend at the Jubilee conference in Pittsburgh.  This is where I met Bob Goff.  Bob is in Donald Miller’s new book.  He is in it because he understands how to live out Jesus.  Actually, he knows how to live inside out. 

When September 11th happened, Bob and his children Decided they would invite all these different countries leaders to their house for a sleep over.  If they didn’t want to come to their house, then Bob and his children would come to them. 

After a few weeks, and a few hundred nos, a yes came.  Then, another yes came, then another, and another.  All of a sudden they were flying all over the world, starting a conversation.  It is working!  The spirit is moving, and Jesus is building His kingdom! 

As I talked to him, and listened to how Jesus moved, I wished we would truly live by the spirit.  It is working.  It is changing the world.  God doesn’t need our help to save the world.  He has already done that.  He just needs us to let Him shine out of us, and  He’ll do the rest. 

It used to bother me when people had say hi to me and just walk away.  It still happens a lot, but I’m not bothered by it anymore.  I will allow the light of Jesus to shine out of me, and people are going to encounter Jesus, even when they don’t talk to me.  I am allowing Jesus to shine through my cracks,  and Jesus will do the rest!

Putting the Effort In

It’s morning again.  Another day is starting, which means I have to do my exercises again. Do you know how difficult it is to get motivated to do exercises?  Sometimes, like this morning, I wake up with so much movement, I wish I could sit in my recliner all day.  It would be so much easier.  Yet, I know if I don’t do my exercises, I wouldn’t be able to be independent. 

I have had great therapy all of my life.  I started therapy when I was nine months old.  I would go twice a week for the first nineteen years of my life. There were times I had to stop playing in the yard with friends to go to therapy.  Okay, for the first thirteen years of my life, I did this because mom made me do it.  Yet, I understood this was important for me, so I would never complain about it. I would do my home program regularly, and we saw me be able to do things that nobody ever thought I would be able to do.  I understood that the benefits of therapy out weighed the hard work of therapy. 

As I was thinking about being successful at anything you want to do, hard work is part of the cost of success.  When you are a person that is dealing with a disability, or any other type of struggle, you have so much to think about that sometimes giving up is the easiest thing to do.  I understand that feeling because I have been there, and some days I am still there. 

I have realized that following your dream is going to take hard work.  I am 36 years old.  I get tired of doing my exercises.  Yet, if I don’t put in the work, I know I wouldn’t be following my dream. 

What I’m trying to do is being a follower of Christ.  It isn’t a simple salvation prayer, and that is it.  Christ does enter in us and transforms us, but now he calls us to play a role in building His Kingdom. 

We are living in a chaotic world that is filled with pain and suffering.  For some of us, the world’s problems seem too big for us.  We decide that other people will do a better job, so we don’t put in the effort.  For others of us, we are consumed by all the problems that are happening in our own lives that we don’t see the problems happening around us. 

When we are consumed with our problems, we are obviously not trusting God.  This happens when We get too focused on the problems, and we don’t work on our relationship with God.  We aren’t going to change the world, or be prepared to be used by Him, if we aren’t seeking Him out regularly.  Just as I have to do my exercises regularly, we have to seek God out regularly.  This is how He grows our faith and forms us into His vessel. 

For a long time, I was consumed by the problems that I had in my life.  I had a disability.  I had to work hard every day just to function, so how was I going to make a difference.  I was more interested in questioning  God and yelling at God.  I wasn’t interested in listening to God, and hearing God teach me. 

It was when I allowed the Holy Spirit to live for me that my faith grew.  I started to see that God shined through my weakness, I decided I could be His servant.  Am I going to be able to go work on the mission field?  I don’t know, maybe I am, and I know God will make a way for that to happen.  Yes, that is what we think about when we think about serving God.  The reality is God has work for us to do in our own neighborhood.  He asks us to love our neighbor. 

The Christian walk isn’t about our salvation.  Sure, that is the icing on the cake, and I don’t want to diminish it, but being apart of building the kingdom is the cake.  It’s allowing the Holy Spirit to live for you, which allows God to form you.  It is getting your hands and feet messy, and watching God transform the world by allowing yourself to be His vessel. 

I guess it’s time to go do my therapy exercises again.  It’s also time for me to listen to God!

Some things just happen

It has been a difficult week watching the scenes down in Haiti.  A poor country, where survival is already difficult, gets hit with a 7.0 earthquake.  The devastation is massive, and the death total keeps rising every day.  What was God thinking?  Why Haiti? 

I know these were the questions that first arose in my head as I have watched this unfold.  We have a sovereign God that knows everything, and is able to stop anything, so when things like these happen, we have questions.  We have questions about God and His plan.  We have questions about his character.  We don’t understand these things, and would love to sit down face to face with God, so that He could explain everything to us. 

I grew up 23 years asking God these questions.  I was born with a disability, and when you are born with a disability, it’s really hard to understand what you did to deserve it.  I know I thought for many years, I must have done something.  I know my parents thought that they must have did something.  It is something you question every day, and every day there isn’t an answer. 

I had times in my life where I thought God gave me an unfair deal.  I came to the conclusion that God was an unfair God because I didn’t deserve to have a disability.  I should have been spared the frustrations of dealing with a disability.  Where are you God? 

I know there are many people today asking where God is now.  You have seen the pictures, and the question is where is God in all of this chaos. 

The reality is we are living in a world that God never created.  God didn’t create this world we are living in, but He stays with us and hurts with us. 

God created the perfect paradise for His people.  He gave them everything that they needed, and God, Himself, was living with them.  It was perfect.  It was tranquil.  Yet, one bad choice by us humans destroyed God’s perfect plan.  It has brought brokenness, chaos, hardship, earthquakes, and death to this world.  Yet, God didn’t throw us out. He came down, suffered as a man, and redeemed the universe by dying for us. 

Is this creation perfect?  No.  The earth is groaning in the pains of childbirth, awaiting for the redeemer to return.  I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us! 

I have a disability, and, yes, it isn’t fair.  Yet, I know my glory will be so much bigger.  My redeemer is coming back, and He is going to reveal His glory in a big way some day.  Yet, you know what, Jesus reveals His glory when we have faith in Him. 

There are earthquakes, airplane crashes, illnesses, and a lot of things that just happen.  I will trust my God with all of my heart, with all of my soul, and all of my mind.  I will do this because I know my glory in heaven will be so much greater than my sufferings on earth!

Distractions

It isn’t a year, yet, but it is almost a year. Isn’t it weird how you get distracted by things? 2009 was a good year for me, but it wasn’t a good year for me blogging. I was busy, and other priorities became more important to me.

I believe the Christian walk is filled with distractions and barriers. We like to say that it’s the devil that puts these things in our lives, but I don’t believe we are taking enough credit. We choose to live our Christian life lukewarm at times. This is when Jesus isn’t living life for us. We are trying to live the Christian life ourselves.

I have stayed away from talking about God and Jesus on this blog because I wanted it to touch lives and help encourage people that have disabilities. I know some would offend a few people if I started to talk about Jesus on a blog that is based around augmentative communication, but as I thought about it, I realized that I couldn’t encourage anyone without letting people see the person that I am. I couldn’t encourage people without talking about Jesus. Jesus is my strength. Jesus is my identity!

The reality is I am a child of God. I am made in His image. Everything that is in me is from God, and I am deeply in love with my Savior. There is who I am, but sometimes life distractions get in the way of living life for Jesus. Actually, it is when we try to live life on our own that we fail ourselves.

I started this blog to discuss augmentative communication, and we will do that, but as I write, I am going to discuss my journey. It was a journey that had a lot of ups and downs. It was a journey that had a disability. It was a journey of discovery. This journey made me fall in love with Christ.

Are you willing to take another journey? Are you willing to see what Christ reveals to us together? It’s time to be the Clay Vessel!

Difficult, Frustrating, and Too Slow

When exploring AAC and three words that would describe it, I believe the three words most used would be difficult, frustrating, and too slow.

AAC is difficult on two fronts. There is a perception that learning an AAC device is difficult. Yes, it isn’t the easiest thing to do, but I don’t believe it is the hardest thing to do either. I believe we need to understand there will be bumps in the road when we begin to work on learning an AAC device, but there are bumps in the road when we learn anything new.

The second front in which AAC is difficult is people’s perceptions about the people who are using AAC. I have written about this perception throughout this blog. People believe when a person can’t communicate, they must be mentally challenged. The reality is they are probably smarter than you. It is difficult to want to use AAC, when people talk to you like you can’t understand anything. They don’t want to have a conversation with you really, so why would you want to use the device to communicate with. Your friends and family probably understand you without your device, so why should you want to use it.

I understand how you feel because it happens to me every day still. I know what it is like to be talked down to. I know the frustration when people do that to me, but I also know the feeling when they realize I’m not what they thought I was. When I begin talking to them and they start to see I’m smarter than they are. They walk away shaking their head.

AAC can be frustrating. It is frustrating when the device doesn’t work. It is frustrating when people don’t always understand the voice. It is frustrating when people don’t give you enough time to respond. It is frustrating when people think the device can think for itself, and believe it is talking for you, not saying what you want to say. These things are very frustrating. Yet, I believe the advantages out weigh the frustrations. AAC gives a person to have a chance at independence. AAC develops a person’s communication skills. AAC enhances a person’s education. AAC gives a person a whole new life.

“AAC is too slow. I can use shortcuts faster, so I don’t want to use my device. People walk away from me, before I have a chance to say something.”

People who communicate with AAC are slow communicators. Well, yes we are slower, yet I believe we are slower because speed hasn’t been a big emphasis when developing devices. There won’t be a device that will replace the speed of normal communication, but I do believe there are devices out there that enhance the speed of communication because of the vocabulary program. I want to urge speech language pathologist to say about speed of communication when they are helping someone pick out a device. We want to say what we want to say, and we want to say it quickly, so we can involved in the conversation. Speed matters, and although we do need patient and willing communication partners, we need devices that speed up communication.

Over the next few blogs, I am going to compare the devices I have communicated with over the past 29 years.

Writer’s block

I have really enjoyed my Christmas and New Year’s, yet I have been frustrated with myself because I have had some writer’s block lately. December was a busy month for me. I went to Pittsburgh for a week. I went to visit my family over Christmas, and when I returned home here, I came down with a nasty cold. It laid me up on the couch for a couple of days. When you get away from writing for as long as I have been away, sometimes you don’t know what to write about. For me, it was where do I start this conversation again.

I believe we need to start this conversation by taking time to think of three words that would describe AAC as it is right now. I’m not going to tell you my three words because that would create a bias opinion for yourself. I want you to think up three words of your own, which would sum up your own experience in AAC.

Yes, this is going to be a short blog post, but starting tomorrow, or maybe tonight, I will lay out the three words I believe we need. These three words aren’t what you think of when you think about AAC, but I believe they should be. I’m ready to start another conversation, so come back and join in on the fun.

Vocabulary, Speed, and Social Impact

Well, I can’t believe it has been over two weeks, and I haven’t been able to post something on here. Yes, it is the holiday season and my life is a little busy right now, but I think it is time to blog again.

I have been thinking about vocabulary, speed, and the social impact they can have on the AAC communicator. Communication rate was once important to the AAC world, but now it isn’t. They are more interested in developing AAC systems that have more computer type functions, then they are in developing devices that will enhance speed of communication.

My first communication device was a Phonic Ear 110. I loved this device because it had four levels of words programmed into it and I knew where every word was located. I was able to say what I wanted to say, and I was very quick saying things on that device. I was six when I received this device and it had an impact right away on my social interactions. I was able to say what I wanted to say, and I could say it in a timely fashion. I could answer questions in class quickly, and I made friends because I participated. The speed of communication helped me to develop friendships.

For Twenty years, I was introduced to other devices, and I wasn’t impressed with any of them. I was stubborn enough that I didn’t get another device until 1990. Yes, the device helped me communicate, but it was slower, so while I used the new device at school, I kept using my old device at home. I was quicker on it. I could answer questions faster, and speed really matters to me.

The next few devices I have had, had limited vocabulary. I chose to use the spelling pages and the word prediction pages. This slowed down my communication a lot, which had no effect on the friends I had, but it made meeting people more difficult. When you are approaching the age I am, you are losing some of those connections with your friends, and you need to develop some new friendships. It has been difficult for me to develop these friendships because my communication speed has been slower. It has made a social impact in the reverse way.

I know when you have a disability, sometimes you feel like you are all alone at times. This is especially true for the people with disabilities that use AAC to communicate. I know this feeling because I have been there. People wouldn’t give me the opportunity to communicate with them because they didn’t understand how I could communicate with a computer. I get very frustrated, when someone would turn to my friend and ask him or her if I could understand them. They didn’t want to wait for me to program my answer, and would walk away before I could say anything. This has led me to give a wave, or a head nod when I meet somebody I don’t know. Thus, they don’t get to meet the real me, and see that I am intellectual.

I know AAC technology has gone away from the goal of the AAC user. They have developed systems with great features, that have a lot of bells and whistles, yet performance of communication has taken a back seat. I want to tell these developers that speed of communication matters to the user. We want to be able to say what we want in a timely matter.

I believe this has a social impact as well. We are living in a culture that doesn’t like waiting. People are moving at a fast rate and they don’t like to slow down. The AAC communicator communicates at a slower rate and I know some people haven’t had the patience to wait for me to communicate with them. We need AAC companies to develop systems that will enhance a person’s rate of communication, and forget about the add-ons.

In my next few blogs, I will be discussing how rate of communication has effected my social impact. I would value your input on this topic, and we can hopefully have a conversation.

Being a willing communication partner

It has been a long time since I have met somebody that was not scared of my disability. It is the first thing you notice about me. I ride in a wheelchair. My body is constantly in motion. I am unable to talk and communication with me seems to be impossible. I know when I walk or ride into a new situation it is going to feel awkward and I have to fight the urge to withdraw myself.

It isn’t a good feeling and these days I think sometimes it is just easier not to stick your neck out there. I am the first one to admit I really don’t like meeting new people. I don’t like how they make assumptions about me. I don’t like how they communicate with me. Really, I could easily do without meeting new people. I am satisfied sometimes to sit at home and just relax. Yet, I know that if I did that I would be missing out on developing friendships.

This past week something happened to me that I haven’t experienced in a very long time. I have met someone, who didn’t see my disability first, but this person looked at the person first. She communicated with me like she didn’t even noticed I communicated differently. It was like we had known each other for years and it lifted a heavy weight off my shoulders. I felt like a new person because someone has recognized there is a lot more to me.

I know this is not going to happen every time that I meet someone, but it encouraged me. I will speak for myself here. I know I am getting tired of people always assuming things about me. It gets old and it causes me to assume things. I think they won’t accept me for who I am, or that they won’t try to get to know me. Thus, I don’t try as hard to get to know who they are as well. It is easy for me to give someone new a wave or a nod of the head, and go on my way.

What I am suggesting here is that we have to be accountable too. We need to be willing to meet new people without assuming anything about them. We have to be willing to try to communicate with them. We have to be willing to show them the person we really are, so that they are amazed at the things we can do.

Yet, I am hoping those of you who are meeting a person with a disability, are able to look past the disability and see the person. We are living in a culture that does not do this very well because we are so concerned about the external. We are missing caring for people’s hearts, and loving them just as they are. We are living life for ourselves, and it is time to start living life to love others.

I am thankful for my new friendship. She has given me hope that we will be able to look at people differently, and maybe one day we will no longer see the disabilities at all. We need willing partners to accomplish this goal. Are you one of them?